Weekly Insight

Well, between the switch over to the new host taking a while, and there being entirely too many teams in the Big Ten; this topic has taken much longer to conclude than I had originally anticipated. Hopefully you don’t find these last too posts as boring as find the “winner”. So anyway, where were we…

Ahh yes, we were trying to crown “The most Boring Coach in the Big Ten!.” We left off with PJ Fleck. Perhaps the weirdest and, therefore, least boring boat rowing, blood drinking* coach in the Big Ten. So that brings us to…

Boring

Well, Saturday happened and I definitely don’t have a positive spin on this weeks Michigan loss to Minnesota, so let’s not talk about it! I thought about writing a post about the Red Wings organization and how the more the patheticism* is brought to light, the more benefit of the doubt I give Larkin for potentially politely suggesting that he would like to get the fuck out while he still has a career left in him… But since this is a football blog, let’s go with the topic I alluded to last week.

After the curse of Frames Janklin** knocked out reader Matt and a handful of other Big Ten Eliminatees, Matt referenced “The most boring coach in college football.” To this I responded “Lol, who is the most boring coach in college football***” and then immediately “WAIT! Don’t tell me!! CONTENT!!!” So let’s do some good old fashioned investigative journalism, see if we can figure out to whom he was referring, and crown a true “MOST BORING COACH IN THE BIG TEN!!!” Let’s get into it.

Click to “get into it”

I know what you’re thinking. Well, I’m you. Not you… I’m talking about all of my loyal readers out there. Oh… So can I leave? My wife is a therapist and I still haven’t figured out how to make that happen, but sure. Fair enough. Anyway… You’re thinking, “This is the title the week after Iowa Westerned Michigan?” and also “How does this title relate to the post he promised me? I demand involvement dammit!” Well… 1. hear me out and 2. It doesn’t. Sorry Matt. Your post is next…

More

Well, it turns out that post I made almost a year ago isn’t the last one ever. A lot has happened since then. A lot that probably warrants dedicated posts on this shitty blog. Michigan’s football coach was fired, then went to jail. Warde Manual is… scheduled to be fired? Football comedian James Franklin was hired by a team outside of the Big Ten. Actual comedian Adam Sandler somehow still has Wisconsin convinced he’s an actual football coach. Jonathan (not L) Smith was fired from MSU. Pat Fitzgerald was exonerated from the hazing allegations at Northwestern and then hired as “Not L’s” replacement at Michigan State. All of these deserve dedicated articles, but I just checked and there’s an $800** renewal fee for this website due in October, so unless I can move it to a cheaper host, we don’t have that kind of time. So for today, let’s pick one topic and see where we are in a month.

Other Words

It’s a sad day for football comedy. Saturday Oct 11th, this year’s Big Ten Elimination season came to an end. It seems only yesterday Two weeks ago that Penn State University was on top of the world. People Idiots considered them one of the top teams in the country. Pre-season, they appeared to be a playoff lock. Because of a schedule consisting of two real games. Now, after back-to-back weeks of losing to arguably the worst team in the Big Ten,* now they’re… wait. Let’s take a detour for a moment. I need some time to process what just happened to college football… this website… the world?

Other More Different Words

The Big Ten has been missing something for the past several seasons. It’s had an empty feeling in its heart. Sad, lonely, bordering on depression, the league has been attempting to fill this void with new teams and larger TV contracts. But it’s never enough. UCLA firing coaches and inept flip-flopping commissioners can provide temporary dopamine hits, sure, but nothing can replace what’s truly been missing for far too long; Chaos.

Well we have good news! The team of blue hedgehogs has been working around the clock, exhausting every lead. Just when the spiky speedsters were about to give up during a depressing binge of 1.99 coney dogs at Kirby’s, they heard some eerie crunching in the adjacent booth. Peering over the removable wood laminate divider, it became clear what has become of college football’s most precious natural resource. Bret Bielema has been eating them.

It seems so obvious looking back on it now. Burt has been using the gems to suck the… non-suck… out of his former employer for the last three seasons. Wisconsin (as we discussed in the previous post) has been a program solidly-above-mediocrity for ages. How do you explain going from this, to coach and program that can’t even attempt to run the football? Chaos.

And what did Beer Burtlema do with this power? He convinced the world that Illinois was good. And not just “Nobody can stop Juice Williams” good, but real, actual top 10 good… With a defense and everything. Illinois… What’s more chaotic than that! But unfortunately for Biertlema, Choas is a double sided.. err… hextuple…pointed? sword…rock… magic shiny thing… And who better to resist the chaotic influence of Liema Bert’s fighting Illini, than the former kings of Chaos themselves… Indiana. 63-10… It just goes to show… you can take the chaos out of Indiana… but if you try to bring it back, they’ll kick your ass.

But the good news is, that stomp whomping is just what Chaos needs to replenish it’s power. Let’s just hope Beetle Burts has learned how to harness the power and can throw up some crazy upset against OSU in a few weeks… They should probably lose to Purdue first just to be safe.

Well I’m eliminated so you know what that means. Don’t count on me getting picks and eliminations list out prior to kickoff each week. Forget about reminders if the remaining players forget to send picks before kickoff. Content will somehow be even less frequent than it has been over the last few years.* But you’re here, and some interesting stuff actually did happen this week, so how about we change things up and talk about some real, actual football stuff this week!

Luke Fickell has an impressive resume. A stand out defensive player for Ohio State, he managed 2 tackles in the 1997 Rose Bowl before transferring to South-Central Louisiana State to heroically bring the Mud Dogs back from obscurity. After winning the Bourbon Bowl, he decided to move on to the pros to avoid the NCAA catching up to his clear violation of eligibility rules.

After brief stint on the New Orleans Saints, he signed as an un-unrestricted Incarcerated Agent at Allenville Penitentiary. Despite some success in the Mean Machine’s unexpected win over the Prison Guards, Fickell’s pro career was short lived. Some believe that his playing downfall was, in-part, the result of distractions during multiple romantic pursuits of former child actress Drew Barrymore. From here he moved on to coaching.

Fickell’s coaching career started out promising. He was an assistant on Ohio States coaching staff during the 2002 National Championship. He also had a solid tenure at Cincinatti going 57-18 over six seasons. But that’s not to say there were no warning signs. His loss as Ohio State’s head coach to (checks notes) Brady Hoke in 2011 indicated that maybe he wasn’t cut out for the Big Ten. Wisconsin took a chance on him by hiring him as there head coach in 2023 to replace Paul Chryst. This, as the kids say, was a mistake.

Perhaps they should have stuck with Chryst, or perhaps they should have promoted Jim Leonhard from Interim, but clearly Luke Fickell was not the right choice. Wisconsin, formerly known as Runningback U, ran for 61 yards against Maryland last week in the game that crushed the dreams of many a BTE participants. Clearly the teachings of Arthur Fonzerelli and Burt Reynolds had not rubbed off on Mr. Fickell (seen here “playing it cool” against Maryland’s “fearsome” rush defense).

Ok, so this was less real football content and more a cheap, long winded joke about Luke Fickell looking like Adam Sandler, but come on… “Luke Fickell” even sounds like the name of a goofy character that Sandler would make up just to film another movie in the Bahamas, right? And despite what Wisconsin AD and Barry Alvarez are saying, there’s no way he doesn’t get fired this year right? I mean, there’s what… maybe 2 more wins on this schedule? On the plus side for Fickell, I hear UCLA is looking for a coach…

Anyway, (Rocky and Bullwinkle narrator voice) “Tune in next time for ‘Indiana is good an the new Chaos Team is’… or ‘Nothing’.” The other content option is nothing.. I might just write nothing.. Like I said. I’m eliminated so I really don’t care anymore.

*I mean… less than some is none… So I guess that’s the somehow… there will be none content for the rest of the season…. I should really stop paying these hosting fees…

For those of you who don’t know, I’m an engineer. Yeah that’s right… how impressed are you now that I’m able to semi-consistently put together these strings of words that are occasionally coherent and sometimes grammatically correct? Well, in the engineering world, (as well as everywhere, I suppose) there is a growing encouragement to use AI tools to improve workflow and increase speed of development.* So today, I opened Microsoft Copilot for the first time (at least intentionally) and asked “write a blog post for bigtenelimination.com. The results are the previous post… So let’s see how it did!***

🏈 The Final Whistle: Big Ten Elimination Drama Hits Fever Pitch

As the leaves turn and the air thickens with anticipation, one truth remains: survival in the Big Ten is a weekly war. The conference that gave us legends like Archie Griffin, Charles Woodson, and Saquon Barkley is now a battleground where every snap could be a season-ender. This paragraph is alright, I guess… It sounds like AI bullshit, but I suppose so does a lot of the non-artificial, non-intelligent stuff I’ve posted on here… Also, that last part is less true than ever now that 25% of the conference can make the playoffs.

🔥 Rivalries Reign Supreme

Forget the playoff committee for a moment. In the Big Ten, elimination often comes not from rankings but from rivalries. It’s clear that AI does not understand what the big ten elimination game is, but since most of the site isn’t about the actual game, I guess I’ll give it a pass. Michigan vs. Ohio State. Penn State vs. Michigan State. Is that still a rivalry? I think that matchup used be the last game of the season, but that was when I was in school …(checks math) damn… 20 years ago These aren’t just games—they’re legacy-defining moments. One missed tackle, one blown coverage, and your playoff hopes vanish faster than a tailgate brat on game day. Again, clearly not when you can lose to a 7-5 rival with whose passing game was both figuratively and literally cancer, come in 4th in the conference, and still win the National Championship.

Let’s side bar for a minute for some real-actual content… I’m not one of the U-M fans that’s trying to de-legitimize OSU’s championship. They may have been the best team in the country last year. They maybe even went through the toughest last 4 games in history to win it. What I am saying is that I liked it better when the regular season actually mattered. I guess I’m saying I wish the AI bullshit here was MORE accurate. Ok, back the the show…

📉 The Elimination Equation Oh good! Equations! I’m an engineer. I love equations. AI should be good at this.

This season, the math is brutal. Uh-huh, I’m listening… With the East Nope. stacked and the WestAlso doesn’t exist anymore unpredictableI guess if by unpredictible, you mean “sucked in new and surprising ways every season”, even a one-loss team can find itself on the outside looking in. Zero one or even two-loss teams from the BIG TEN did not make the playoffs last year. Also, that’s it?? Mentioning the number “one” is your “math” and “equation”? Fuck you AI. The margin for error? Razor-thin. The stakes? Nothing short of immortality. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!! or I guess four now that there’s more playoff spots than “real” Big Ten teams…

• Michigan: Can J.J. McCarthy carry the Wolverines past Columbus again? I mean… if he does, I don’t think even I could argue against NCAA sanctions.
• Ohio State: Is Kyle McCord ready for the pressure cooker of The Game? Is he even allowed in the state of Ohio anymore?
• Iowa: Will the defense bail out an offense that’s allergic to touchdowns? No.

Ok, that’s enough of that… If you want to critique the rest of that post, feel free to do so in the comments. I’m sure that’ll help drive up my interaction score for the algorithm… Now I’ll I’ve got to do is add an algorithm… and ads… That’s the key, right? Find ways to enshitify this content and then I start making money? Yes? Good.. Great. I myself have had enough AI for one… season? On the plus side, if AI does start replacing engineers, I have some to fall back on my lucrative career as an unpaid shitty sports blog author. But maybe you read that last post and thought it was fine… In which case, ouch, Brandon. I hope your kids like their Christmas gifts this year. I’ll make sure it’s as loud and obnoxious as possible. Forget volume buttons, I’m talking no off switch… And a solar powered rechargeable battery!

The only glimmer of hope I had during this experiment was that when I first submitted the prompt, I was greeted with “Since I can’t access that site directly, I’ll craft what I imagine it will be about”. I was excited that AI might not actually be able to crawl my site. Then I realized, I misspelled the URL… Now I’m just bummed that graphics cards cost $3000 so that data mines can rip off my dumb content to churn out this even worse garbage.

*Probably so we become less useful and can ultimately be replaced by the machines we’re being encouraged to utilize… How meta would it be now if we actually did live in the Matrix**

**And by Matrix, I obviously mean the previously established 14-year-olds NCAA 14 Dynasty

***Spoiler alert: not good.

🏈 The Final Whistle: Big Ten Elimination Drama Hits Fever Pitch

By Doug BigTenLimination.com

As the leaves turn and the air thickens with anticipation, one truth remains: survival in the Big Ten is a weekly war. The conference that gave us legends like Archie Griffin, Charles Woodson, and Saquon Barkley is now a battleground where every snap could be a season-ender.

🔥 Rivalries Reign Supreme

Forget the playoff committee for a moment. In the Big Ten, elimination often comes not from rankings but from rivalries. Michigan vs. Ohio State. Penn State vs. Michigan State. These aren’t just games—they’re legacy-defining moments. One missed tackle, one blown coverage, and your playoff hopes vanish faster than a tailgate brat on game day.

📉 The Elimination Equation

This season, the math is brutal. With the East stacked and the West unpredictable, even a one-loss team can find itself on the outside looking in. The margin for error? Razor-thin. The stakes? Nothing short of immortality.

• Michigan: Can J.J. McCarthy carry the Wolverines past Columbus again?
• Ohio State: Is Kyle McCord ready for the pressure cooker of The Game?
• Iowa: Will the defense bail out an offense that’s allergic to touchdowns?

🧠 Mental Toughness or Bust

In the Big Ten, talent gets you in the door. Mental toughness keeps you in the room. Coaches know it. Fans feel it. Players live it. The elimination gauntlet isn’t just physical—it’s psychological warfare. And only the most resilient survive.

🏆 What’s Next?

As we barrel toward November, expect chaos. Expect heartbreak. Expect a few miracle moments that will live forever in highlight reels and barroom debates. Because in the Big Ten, elimination isn’t the end—it’s the beginning of legend.

Football, is infuriating. It used to be great… or at least good. Good enough that in my youth I could be enough of a fanboy to shit on fan’s of lesser sports, like soccer, or track for being a less exciting, no contact, Nance version of sports with not enough scoring and/or no defense. But in an all-too-common business strategy these days, NCAA TV executives have taken a perfect entertainment product and slowly made it worse in order to milk every last dollar out of its customers. Their users are so locked into the ecosystem that they’ll put up with more and more bullshit… because they have to. You have to have subscribe to Peacock to watch certain games. Want to buy a ticket? Have to do that online and then pay 50% extra for Stub Hub fees. You’ll still have to sit through ad breaks, but instead of the same TV spot with Nick Saban and a duck, you get to stare at a guy in a red hat and listen to Not-The-Band music over the PA system.. Even I put up with this for years. I did this in part because Michigan was good, and college football was entertaining. Yes, it was annoying but 1) you can start the game late and fast forward through the commercials and B) My team won the National Championship!

What threw me over the edge