I’ll be honest… Normally I’m excited about this stuff. In the past I’ve been pretty enthusiastic about pretending I know things about football. I enjoy writing about said (typed?) things on a website for which I spend way too much money. (Seriously, thanks to all those who donate.) But lately… meh… Maybe it’s the shortened season… Maybe it’s the realization that my team is destined to repeat the same “successful” but ultimately underwhelming outcome… Maybe I’m just disappointed that I’ve waited too long and now all of my brilliant ideas for David Brandon T-Shirts and Jim McElwain shark comics are outdated*… But what the hell… I just opened an e-mail telling me how much I’ve been charged for a 3 year renewal of web hosting fees so I guess we’re committed until 2023. Let’s do this!<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Did I get it right? The headline I mean… I figure by the time this post actually goes live there’s a 50\/50 chance the season is already cancelled. A few teams probably wish the season was cancelled… One of those teams is -checks notes- NOT Northwestern! H*ly Shit Maryland… I mean I know you’re not “Good”, and you’re like, “Not Quite Florida” when it comes to Covid avoidance strategies… but… Northwestern?!? 43?!?!? – 3?!?! I mean preseason debate was “who’s the worst team in the Big Ten? Northwestern or Ru…t..g…onna say some other team…” HAHA see how I almost lost 75% of my audience??? Totally saved it. So yeah… Maryland should just “Fake”** Covid for the rest of the year. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What else… Team Chaos vs. Frames Janklin… Anybody see this game? It was an epic demonstration of “who can f*ck this up last”… Indiana blows coverage for a wide open TD so PSU goes up by 1… Indiana still has 2:30 left and only needs a FG to WIN<\/strong>. So do they keep the defense guessing, dink and dunk down the field and take what’s given to them? Kick a game winning field goal with no time left? Of course not… line up with nobody in the backfield…. get sacked twice by the same DE because why block him… 4th and 21… Turnover on downs… 1:45 left… If Penn State takes a knee they win the game. Instead, as an homage to his coach’s historical game management strategery, RB Devyn Ford runs in a 14 yd TD on the first play of the drive to put PSU up by 8 (Watching Indiana’s sideline’s celebration of a Penn State Touchdown was pretty great)… Now I’m not sure if this is Karma for James Franklin’s terrible decisions in the past, or the full evolution of Team Chaos… but obviously Indiana scores and makes the 2 point conversion… Tie Game… 22 seconds left. This games going to over— OH WAIT!!! The cHaOs has backfired and the kicker accidentally attempts an Onside Kick which is recovered by Penn State at midfield!!!! PSU now has 20 seconds with timeout(s) and a short field to attempt a game winning FG drive… don’t worry, they only go 9 yards and miss a 57 yard attempt as time expires… Now we’re going to OT… PSU scores a TD first… Indiana matches and elects to go for 2 (#@#$ YEAH!!! That’s hundy P the correct decision when you’re #TeamChAoS going up against a heavily favored team who’s outgained you 2-1 in the game thus far!!!) In a controversial, but correct call (ball crossed the plane before hitting ground and pylon…) Indiana wins in OT.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What else… Should we talk about Michigan State?*** Rutgers won their first Big Ten game since 2017. Not a strong start for the Spartans in their first game since Dantonio’s departure. 7 turnovers… As the father of a 2.5 year old, I suggest letting my daughter pick the MSU stadium music. If I’m going to have to listen to The Rock sing “You’re Welcome” over and over again it may as well appropriately be whenever MSU’s Offense takes (and immediately vacates) the field. Maybe it’ll get her to let me watch football instead of Disney Youtube videos. I suggest you all get on board with this plan. I’ll start a petition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oh Wisconsin crushed Illinois (probably because Lovie Smith shaved his beard****) and then caught Covid. Their game is now cancelled this week. This leaves the Big Ten West wide open for current division leader -checks notes again- Ok seriously?? 43 points? That’s more than Northwestern scored in their first 6 Big Ten games last year COMBINED! I like Pat Fitzgerald but football might be broken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ben Mason for Heisman. <\/p>\n\n\n\n That is all for this week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n *Don’t worry… I’ll probably make them anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n **Or report it truthfully.. since come on… we all saw those Ocean City pictures…<\/p>\n\n\n\n ***NO!<\/p>\n\n\n\n ****Or because they suck… <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I’ll be honest… Normally I’m excited about this stuff. In the past I’ve been pretty enthusiastic about pretending I know things about football. I enjoy writing about said (typed?) things on a website for which I spend way too much money. (Seriously, thanks to all those who donate.) But lately… meh… Maybe it’s the shortened … <\/p>\n