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9/19/17 – Bored Bored BOOORRRRED!

Image result for love mummy bored
Well this was a boring week of football for the Big Ten… We had one elimination as Nebraska apparently decided to switch places with Rutgers…  Other than that the games went pretty much as expected.
Ohio * State **:
Ohio State lost to Oklahoma last week.  They’re overrated.  They were overrated last year.  They lost to Penn State, They should have lost to Michigan.  J.T. Barrett is a slower crappier dumber version of Denard Robinson surrounded by a team that doesn’t suck.  If you get pressure on him he will struggle.  They’ll probably mop the floor with most of the Big Ten this year because —Spoiler Alert***— Most of the Big Ten Sucks.  They don’t play Wisconsin so their only tests the rest of the season are Penn State and Michigan (assuming Penn State or Michigan are actually any good… I’m not convinced yet).  Ohio State is always a good football team.  Ohio State is rarely as good as the nation thinks they are.
Iowa:
If Nebraska’s performance this week was a real indication of their football talent, Iowa only has one team to beat to win the Big Ten West and go to Indy.  Unfortunately that team is Wisconsin… who might be the best team in the Big Ten.  Unfortunately we won’t know how good Wisconsin really is until probably week 12 or possibly the CFP****.  Their toughest two teams before Michigan are Indiana and Iowa… and no, I’m not saying Indiana and Iowa are tough (they’re ok but Wisconsin should destroy them both).  We will, however, find out just how good (probably not very) Iowa is this week against Penn State.
Sorry, this weeks review was kinda boring, but football was kinda boring this week.  Unless you’re a Lions fan, which I’m not… so… let’s hope Michigan beats Purdue 50-0 so I can feel excited about football again.  Get your picks in!
*Is A
**Sucks
***We’re almost to the part of the year where I switch to “everyone sucks at football except for cheating Alabama.” It’s pessimistic, negative, and sad… so you’ve all got that to look forward to.
****Early prediction:  Wisconsin easily goes undefeated in the Big Ten with the possible exception of Michigan.  Either way they go to Indy, Win, and then get destroyed in the CFP because even Michigan and OSU/Penn State (whichever they played in Indy) really weren’t good football teams (See I told you sadness was coming!)
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9/12/17 – Mark-Paul Gosselaar is awesome

PSA:  Indiana’s game this week has been cancelled.  They are attempting to schedule a game for October 7th.  DO NOT PICK INDIANA THIS WEEK! Thanks to Kelly for bringing this to my attention

Well I don’t know about you but I watched a lot of very bad football this weekend…  Michigan and Cincinnati looked like Purdue and … some other team who can’t catch a football (to be fair, it is shaped weird… all oblong and pointy.. and they fill those things with WAY too much air).  I don’t usually watch or care about pro football but good god Lions, that first quarter!  This is your job!  The only dumber option on that return would have been to run out of the end-zone and then run back in for a safety… That would have actually been a SMARTER option for the punter…. And then there was Rutgers vs Eastern.  Some of you didn’t pay attention to Rule 7!  These two teams decided to play “Who can lose the best!”…  We’re in range for a game tying field goal?  Interception.  You’ve got the ball back but need 15 yards to be back in field goal range?  Personal foul… Hey Thanks Now we can tie the game again!  Just kidding… hands to the face….  The result of this dumpster fire:  Eastern Michigan comes away with their first EVER win over ANY Big Ten Team*.  Several of you were eliminated.  Sorry**

Nebraska:
While Penn State started the process of ruining the Big Ten through stupid expansions, I blame Nebraska for most of it.  The Big Ten was perfectly fine before adding Wisconsin Part 2.  But hey, at least this kinda made sense.  They fit in well with other teams like Iowa.  They’re usually a pretty good football team.  Adding them put the conference at an even number of 12 teams again (which confused the hell out of non-sports fans… “No, we’re the Big Ten. we have 12 teams now… Because there’s already a Big 12.  No they only have 10 teams… because Big 12 is a stupid name for a conference.  I’M TRYING TO WATCH IOWA VS IOWA STATE!”).  They like corn…  They lost to Oregon this week so they probably won’t be too much of a threat for a trip to Indy this year… but who knows, maybe Oregon’s new coach has made them good already?  I don’t care… Scott Frost sucks.
Northwestern:
Somewhere in the mid 90s (because that’s when everything good happened) a bunch of smart people at Northwestern figured out how to make a relevant football team at a school full of artsy nerds.  No offense to Northwestern.  I’m a nerd and my wife is super artsy.. I like Northwestern.  Anyway in 1995 they went to the rose bowl.  The past few years they’ve looked like a team that could be really good, upsets a few good teams, and then kinda reveals the chinks in the armor… Losing to Duke this week doesn’t make this season much more hopeful.  I know I’m gonna take some heat for this from my new family but… Duke is the worst right?.  I mean… Duke is… like… the Zach Morris of colleges.  If Duke were good at football, or if basketball were important in months not named March, Duke and Notre Dame would have to fight for the title of most hated school in the country… (Wait a minute… Irish Catholics vs Satan Smurfs?  This rivalry needs to happen!)
Michigan State:
Oh here we go… U of M fan about to trash “little brother” again.. We all know where this is going…  MSU will be fine. Honestly I thought they would be fine this year even after last year’s implosion.  They had a ton of young players.  And they had LJ Scott.  And hopefully they pick a QB who didn’t suck.  Then they lost like 10 players in the offseason… which means everyone is questioning Dantonio.  Which means everyone thinks they’ll be terrible.  Which means… they’re exactly where Mark Dantonio wants them.  MSU Always plays better as the underdog.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Dantonio set those kids up just so MSU would look bad.. I’m just kidding.. I hate him but he’s a good coach.  This year?  They’ll be bad.  Probably not John L Smith bad (they still have LJ Scott and … not John L Smith).  Last year they lost to 4 bad teams in a row partly because they were saving all of their good plays for the Michigan game.  Fortunately this year’s schedule prevents this because A) They play ND this week.  Spartans hate the Irish almost as much as the Wolverines and B) There’s only one other game before they travel to Ann Arbor.  They’ve got kind of a rough schedule but a win this weekend could provide some hope for a respectable season.  I hope they win.  Notre Dame is the Duke of schools I hate.
Get your picks in!
*Just kidding.  Rutgers doesn’t count.  Eastern is still winless
**Only sorry because my wife was one of them. I don’t care about the rest of you.
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9/5/17 – Week One Minnesota, Indiana, Penn State, Purdue

Well, that was an exciting week of football…  Illinois almost took out half of the group… sucks for everyone who has to pick them later!  oh… dammit…  Maryland beat Texas which was surprising..  I guess Tom Herman should have stayed in Houston… well… not like literally stayed in Houston last week but like literally remained Houston’s football coach because Texas figuratively sucks at football.  Speaking of coaches who just moved to Power 5 schools: Continue reading “9/5/17 – Week One Minnesota, Indiana, Penn State, Purdue”

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11/22/16 – When I thought CFP wouldn’t screw BT Champ PSU.

Let’s try something different:

Guys!  The Big Ten is really good this year!  Four teams in the top 10!  Nebraska is ranked 18.  Why isn’t Minnesota ranked?  They’re 8-3.  All of their losses have been 7 points or less.  Two of them were to ranked teams and one was to Iowa who, while struggling early, has shown they can play like their 1 loss selves of last year.  Indiana has harnessed the Chaos and turned it into a capable defense (I’m pretty sure they’re responsible for the snowy wonderland that was the fourth quarter.  I really wish I had gone to that game).  They’ve hung with top 10 teams the past two years and without so much turnover trouble they’d be.. 7-4? 8-3?  Michigan State… well Tyler O’Conner sucks, and they have like 47 freshmen starting… but those 47 freshmen now have 10 games under their belt and are starting to look like a football team.  They’ve played respectable games the last few weeks, often without their best defensive player.  (Also, Dantonio is a good coach but stop saving ALL of your good plays for Michigan if it means you’re going to lose to Indiana, Northwestern, Illinois and Maryland).  Michigan and OSU are both in the playoffs.  Even Purdue and Rutgers…

Continue reading “11/22/16 – When I thought CFP wouldn’t screw BT Champ PSU.”

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11/14/16 The Sun Belt Ted! (Hint: it was App State)

Hah! You thought I was done but turns out I just had a BYE week… and apparently so did Michigan’s offense, but we’ll get to that.  Bad news guys.. It looks like we’re at option 1.  The good news is that not only is the Big Ten bad at football, but so is every other team except for Alabama.  The bad news is that once again the team with the highest payroll is going to steamroll everyone on their way to the championship…  The NCAA should really have a salary cap to make things more even.

Continue reading “11/14/16 The Sun Belt Ted! (Hint: it was App State)”

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10/24/16 – Chicken Dinner!

We have a winner!  Congratulations to Evan Peters for winning this years Big Ten Elimination League!  It’s a wonderful story really.  Two years ago Evan was forced to split a Championship (probably after some Scott Frost Lobbying).  This year he left no doubt by becoming the first solo champion not determined by tie breakers.

On a sadder note:  Since all the rest of you are terrible at this game this will unfortunately be the last week of Doug’s Amazingly Awesome College Football Summary™.  Here’s what we learned this year.

Continue reading “10/24/16 – Chicken Dinner!”