Author: Doug Hill

I bet you think I’m going to say “the refs” or “Harbaugh” don’t you? Well here’s a hot take from a Michigan fan:

Click for the hot take from a michigan fan

I friggen knew it. I told you all this was going to happen. But did I listen to me? Of course not! I got excited. I saw an 5 straight wins including 2 against good opponents and thought “maybe things will be different.” SO I’m in. I buy a BTN+ subscription so I can watch the games. (Which, by the way is a dogshit choppy garbage streaming service. Do NOT purchase a BTN+ subscription.) I tune in for the first time and… Michigan poops the bed against a smaller in-state school that, sure, is ranked, but I mean come on… You’re MICHIGAN! That was pathetic. Uhh… dude, the games not until tomorrow… Did you steal that youtuber’s time machine from a couple of posts ago? OH GOD?! Should I not watch the game Saturday?!?! What? Oh right, the Michigan vs. Michigan State game is this weekend….. No dummy, I told you;* Football is dead to me. I’m talking about Michigan vs. Western Michigan… Hockey. ugh. Michigan’s forwards looked sloppy and lethargic a.-UGH. all night. The defense got caught pinch- UUUGGGHHHHH!!!!WHAT!?! NOBODY CARES!!! IT’S MICHIGAN VS MICHIGAN STATE WEEK! FOOOTBAAAALLLL!! Fine…

Cliick here for the answers to all the important..apparently… questions

I bet you thought there wouldn’t be any content this week, right? I’m eliminated and now I’ll go all radio silent for the rest of the year and you’ll finally get some peace. Well jokes on you! I just got another bill for an automatic payment for this damn website and if I’m stuck with it for another year I’m gonna keep annoying all of you*

I don’t know if you paid any attention over the last two weeks of football, but something happened that was apparently kind of a big deal. The Big Ten became only the 2nd conference ever to have 5 teams in the Top Ten college football rankings. Neat. But what does this really mean?

Click for what this really means and definitely not just some clickbaity bullsh to get you to keep reading

I mean… I know I said* this in the last post but…

Click for the same Meme as last time… and more words

It’s 2.5 hours until game time. I’m sitting in a hotel room after being woken up by a fire alarm after a flight that landed at 1:00 a.m. an hour drive away from said hotel room. I’m out of town for a football season wedding*. Yesterday my suit almost didn’t show up, my lawn mower broke, and the dead tree that I thought “yeah, I can probably cut that one down myself and save a couple grand”? Well the tree next to it is now the sober friend hug-supporting his drunk buddy at the bar hoping he doesn’t take both of them out and get them kicked out of the bar (or crush my house)… The optimistic view is that I’ve used up all of my bad luck for the weekend and Michigan will come out strong against Wisconsin and indicate the first satisfying season since I graduated from college** The more likely case is that the past few days are an omen for what’s about to unfold once the ball is kicked from a tee by a guy with a foot to another guy with a W shaped object on his helmet. Let’s all hope it’s the former because I’ve got news for all of my loyal reader out there…

Cllick for an in depth comparison between the two power 5 schools in my home state

Michigan faces it’s toughest test yet this week at home against Rutgers… WAIT DON’T GO!

Read more if you haven’t lost all faith in my limited football knowledge

It’s contagious. Everybody back in quarantine. You guys wanted more James Franklin*! I’ll give you more James Franklin! If you’ve followed this blog over the past few years then you may be aware that James Franklin is dumb. Or at least during games he does dumb things… like icing his own kicker… or calling 2 timeouts and running his QB into a pile of guys on 4th and 4… or punting on 3rd down… Well last week we’ve confirmed that Janklin Disease is contagious. And since we do not have the proper measures of contact tracing in place to determine if James Franklin has had previous contact with that particular SEC officiating crew, we have to assume it’s very VERY contagious… like spreads within minutes with an incubation period of a commercial break… Ladies and gentlemen, we may have found the true cause and patient zero for the future documentary Idiocracy – written by apparent time traveler Mike Judge.

Click for a description of the dumb

OSU:

MGoBlog likes to make the joke that we live in the Matrix and the Matrix is an Alabama fan’s NCAA 14 Dynasty. Well, this is true, but I’d like to expand on this theory if I may. We live in the Online Dynasty that was started by a group of 14 year old’s 10 years ago.

Click here to take the blue pill… or the red one… I forget which is which… don’t take mystery pills

Maryland:

Maryland, like Rutgers, is not a Big Ten team so I don’t HAVE* to preview them…. But since so many Big Ten teams seem to play them for some reason, I’ll do it anyway. Pro – They have a QB Taulia Tagavailoa (Tua’s brother) who is exciting and good enough to blow out bad teams. Con – He’s probably not good enough to beat good teams without… you know… help. Pro – Taulia Tagavailoa is a pretty cool name Con – It’s not as cool as Tyrell “Piggy” Pigrome. Pro – (151) Girl smashes beer on her face and chugs it – YouTube Con – Maryland’s QBs historically are not as durable as that girl’s face. They usually all get murdered by week 4. They’ll bet bad teams, lose to good ones and probably get some free chicken wings at at a bowl game in January.

Click here for the same purdue recap from 3 years ago

Recap of last week:

Minnesota looked competent vs OSU until they shot themselves in the foot with turnovers and stupid penalties. Penn State vs Wisconsin looked like two identical teams playing each other so YES! I got one! It remains to be seen if they’re both bad or both not bad… Rutgers put up 61 point?!. That can’t be right… I don’t care if it WAS Temple, and they DID turn the ball over 5 times… Rutgers isn’t supposed to score 61 points in a season! Nebraska scored <checks stats sheet again> FiFTY TWo PoiNtS!!! <throws imaginary stack of papers in the air and walks away>

Click for actual footage of indiana vs iowa