9/3/2024 Football is BACK!!!

No.

What?

NO!

What do you mean no? The season actually already star…

No. College Football is over. Michigan beat it and it broke the game.

Broke the g- No. Stop that. We can’t have AFT-CPOV-CLD* (Alternative Font Type-Contradictory Point of View-Common Literary Device) and “life is a video game simulation” featured in the same post… We might get sued.

No you won’t. You don’t make any money and nobody reads this.

Ouch.

Hey, you wrote it.

But aren’t you excit…

NO! College football is done. The PAC-12 is dead. Players are transferring 6 times before they graduate. There’s a two-minute warning that they can’t even call a two-minute warning because I guess the NFL said so?? There are seemingly even more commercials. It costs $80 a ticket to go see a game against Rutgers. The Big Ten has enough teams to be two Big Tens… Bigs Ten?.. The Big Ten has enough teams to be two Big Ten Conferences… and nobody can eat that much burrito. College Football is over.

So what? You’re not going to watch?

Well I guess that’s up to you… You’re the masochistic idiot. I just live inside your head.

Nothing you’re excited for?

Like what.

Well… Alex Orji could provide a new offense that could be fun to watch if he is able to throw the ball

You’re writing this after the Fresno State Game.

Yeah… There’s a 12 team playoff, so that could be a-

A money grab that’s going to result in teams playing 2-3 times a year? The Big Ten doesn’t even know how it’s going to declare a champion this year. Rivalries should be played during Rivalry week. The Game should be The Game…. Not The Game part 1 (Tune in next month for the sequel that actually affects the outcome of the season!)

There’s going to be beer in the stadiums

There was beer before. The only difference is now they’ll actually crack down on smuggling so they can charge 15.99 for a can of Coors Light.

The NCAA video game has a Michigan athlete on the cover

Yeah… Denard Robinson. NCAA 14 was the last sports game that EA ever made. I’m fairly convinced that in 2014 all of the developers that understood the code left. Everything since then has been interns mashing the keyboard and hitting compile until something “new” builds without an error.

College football is a mess. Athletes change jersey’s more often than NFL hall of fame quarterbacks delaying retirement. The unrestricted transfer portal along with the current state of NIL dooms smaller programs from developing and keeping their own talent. Star players joke about not knowing what campus looks like. Iowa has an offense!!

So, you tell me. What’s there to be excited about from here?

…

…

Mason Graham was only a Sophomore last year?

FOOOOTBAAAAAAL!!!!!

*Alternative Font Type-Contradictory Point of View-Common Literary Device… I may have to workshop that name… Sounds too much like a disease… Look this one is underlined and italicized, ok? It’s different!