It’s contagious. Everybody back in quarantine. You guys wanted more James Franklin*! I’ll give you more James Franklin! If you’ve followed this blog over the past few years then you may be aware that James Franklin is dumb. Or at least during games he does dumb things… like icing his own kicker… or calling 2 timeouts and running his QB into a pile of guys on 4th and 4… or punting on 3rd down… Well last week we’ve confirmed that Janklin Disease is contagious. And since we do not have the proper measures of contact tracing in place to determine if James Franklin has had previous contact with that particular SEC officiating crew, we have to assume it’s very VERY contagious… like spreads within minutes with an incubation period of a commercial break… Ladies and gentlemen, we may have found the true cause and patient zero for the future documentary Idiocracy – written by apparent time traveler Mike Judge.
For those of you that didn’t see the Penn State vs Auburn game last week.. The officiating crew’s performance was such a beautiful display of incompetence that John O’Neill was overcome with emotion like a Grammaton Cleric discovering a rainy skyscraper sunrise for the first time in the 2002 cinematic masterpiece: Equilibrium.** First, they called intentional grounding on 1st down when there was no pressure on the QB and the WR took a bad route***. Second, they forget how to count and think that 3rd down comes after 1st down. Third, James Franklin correctly and politely informs the referees that their counting skills are inferior to my 3 year old daughters. The referees confer and determine that indeed the number 2 does not exist and forces Penn State to punt on 3rd down. Now I can’t really fault James Franklin for this particular football “dumb”… I mean if it were me I would have probably called timeout and used the extra time to explain counting to the refs like https://youtu.be/RGJb2iLvOKE?t=87 … but in this case James was actually the less DUMB on the field. Side note, I’m pretty sure Keagan Michael Key makes a way better James Franklin than James Franklin does…**** Follow this up with a missed intentional grounding against Auburn because “outside the tackle” apparently means “where the center lined up” and we learned 2 things this game… 1. Auburn might be the SEC’s Maryland and 2. The SEC referees receive the same education as Alabama’s “student” athletes.*****
*Seriously, I got a request for more James Franklin content… I have an active audience!
**(2) Equilibrium-Sunrise – YouTube
***(2) refs force penn state to punt on third down – YouTube
****(2) Keegan-Michael Key Surprises Team During Homecoming Week – YouTube
*****Or they’re just trying to throw the games for the SEC teams because the NCAA is a corrupt piece of shit organization and the SEC makes them all the moneys… I mean seriously, that’s how I knew COVID was a big deal…. I mean seriously… they were like the first to act on this… I was like “Oh shit… the NCAA is forfeiting a billion dollars by cancelling March Madness because of the possibility that this disease will get them sued and/or killed? Well we’re boned…”