OSU:
MGoBlog likes to make the joke that we live in the Matrix and the Matrix is an Alabama fan’s NCAA 14 Dynasty. Well, this is true, but I’d like to expand on this theory if I may. We live in the Online Dynasty that was started by a group of 14 year old’s 10 years ago.
The Alabama kid runs the league and dominates the game. He might not be the best player, but he changes the NCAA rules and creates tailor-made recruits for his team every pre-season. His players are so good that he could pretty much put the controller down and let the AI win the game for him.
The OSU kid is the only permanent human player in the Big Ten so he gets all of the mid-west recruits by default. He resets the game until he gets a favorable AI (other team plays bad, Referees never call holding and pat his QBs ass after good plays).
Then there’s the good kid. He’s much better at the game than any of the other friends. He picks a different bad team every year just to give himself a challenge. That’s how you get things like Purdue kicking OSU’s ass in 2018. But Purdue lost to Eastern Michigan that year, genius… how do you explain that? Because he never gets his games in on time and the commissioner ends ups simulating most of them every season… Purdue still sucks… It makes sense.
Well like I said, this league was started 10 years ago… The OSU kid grew up and moved out and left his Matrix PS3 at home. Now it’s his little brother’s account and he sucks at the game… He knows how to run Deep Attack and Read Option to tear apart the AI defense but doesn’t understand football and can’t run a defense to save his life. After the Minnesota game I was going to write about how the OSU looks human. CJ Stroud actually looks like a freshman quarterback and not Dwayne Haskins in a fake beard after watching that Leon Sandcastle commercial from a few years ago. The defense looks very beatable and the … God dammit… stop it. You’re just going to get your hopes up and then get crushed again at the end of the year… And I’m a figment of your imagination, so that’s bad for me… I thought you said you wanted to disappear again anyway. I said I wanted to go back to sleep, not turn into the cat lady from The Simpsons after you end up in an asylum at the end of the season. Fair enough. But don’t worry, I still don’t think there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that The Game goes well… The older brother will come home for Thanksgiving and “beat the game” for his younger sibling. OSU has 2 months to fix their defense and Stroud will either become Wayne Daskins or get injured in game 4, revealing that backup Kyle McCord is actually just a Highlander with a speech impediment that’s been slowly eating the souls of every injured QB over the last 18 seasons. Ok… um.. what? First of all McCord isn’t close enough to MacLeod for this to make sense… Secondly, this is text and speech impediments don’t affect spelling. Thirdly immortals from the film Highlander are not called Highlanders. Connor MacLeod was called the Highlander because he was born in the Highlands in Scotland, not because he was an immortal. Whatever… Nerd… Point is Michigan doesn’t stand a chance… THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE
Michigan:
Look. the next post will be more in depth about season expectations, performance thus far, should they fire Harbaugh etc… but here’s a quick summary. Defensively things have gone about as well as you could have hoped for. Through 2 games they’ve really only given up 2 touchdowns outside of backup experience time. Granted, the first two offenses haven’t been very good, but you can only stop the team in front of you. Considering the defense was awful last year even against bad teams, and there is a new coordinator this year, A+ for the defense so far.
The offense is still unknown. The run game looks great. It was unstoppable in both games. The pass game, however, was almost non-existent. Now there were 3 reasons for this: 1. The run game was unstoppable. If a team can’t stop the run, and you’re ahead the whole game, why pass? 2. Washington was playing to stop the pass. They had safeties DEEP to protect almost every play… If they’re not going to jump up to help stop the run… just Flock of Seagulls the shit out of them 3. The few examples of passing attempts (at least against Washington) did not look good. Cade did not look like he was having a good day so why risk a bad throw if you don’t have to… Now how much of each of these 3 things contributed to the decision to only throw for 44 yards (something like 5 attempts passed the LOS?) We will have to see…