I bet you guys came here expecting some letters and words arranged in a way that would describe Ohio State or Penn State or Michigan State or Iowa this week. Well, sorry, but you’ll have to go to a real football website for that. I’ve got two more important issues that I have to rant about this week.. Like the title suggests, this post may contain vulgarity, profanity, verbanity, and just all around not nice things so if this offends you please stop reading now.
Topic One: Eastern Michigan ruined college football. Ok that’s probably not fair… let’s try this again. I blame Eastern Michigan for dropping the deuce that would roll down poop mountain creating a crap snowball that a team of oil drillers would attempt to stop by shoving a bunch of dynamite inside and blowing it up… and you know what you get then? Shit all over the big house.
Let me explain. Michigan had a great marching band. They were loud, they were good, the halftime shows were entertaining… Then sometime around my sophomore year the University of Michigan decided to replace a perfectly good band director with some jackass from EMU (This was the deuce). This band director was highly praised and I’m sure was very talented (I know this because my EMU friends bitched about how we stole their “fantastic” band director). Now I know a good concert band has all sorts of subtlety, and crescendos alliteration and all that other bullshit, and I know I’m no award winning band director. But here’s another thing that I know: When you’re playing in a stadium of 114,000 people, forget all that. Play as loud as you fucking can. Because when the students who are right in front of you can’t tell what you’re playing because it’s too quiet* you know who else can’t hear you? EVERYONE ELSE IN THE DAMN STADIUM!! (That was the snowball)
Fast Forward 7 years or so. The band has gotten a little louder, I think the director had been replaced, but Michigan Football is suffering for other reasons. This is the David Brandon era. (He is the poop driller in this analogy). Ticket sales are down. The football team sucks. I’ve graduated and moved out of Ann Arbor and into the stupid real world/my parents’ basement. David Brandon is making “upgrades” to the stadium. Michigan fans had always taken pride in the old school tradition. Yost was a barn. The Big House didn’t pump in loud music like Penn State. We didn’t amplify our crowd noise to be more intimidating. David Brandon “fixed” this. I’ve been to one or two games a year since I’ve left. I’ve gotten used to hearing “Seven Nation Army” over the speaker system. I’ve cringed at that stupid Pop-Evil song. But I’ve enjoyed “The Team” videos and James Earl Jones. There was still a good mix of “temptation” and the drum line between quarters and enough new traditional band stuff to keep it balanced.
Yesterday during the halftime show I thought “wow they’re actually loud again! Maybe even louder… too loud.. then I saw a rack of speakers (This is the dynamite blowing dookie all over the stadium) on the field in front of the band. and noticed the delay between the real sound of the band and the electronic sound pumped through the speakers. Maybe I’m old, but come on… your instruments are supposed to be loud as hell.. There’s a reason why there are mutes and drum pads for playing indoors (It’s because those instruments are LOUD!). Get rid of the damn speakers. Hit the drums harder. Add more people if you have to… I know there are plenty of reserves that would love to get on the field. Don’t be Penn State. Damn you Eastern Band Director.
Get Off My Lawn!
* Also because they’re drunk.
(Topic Two will be at a later post as this one got way to long)