Well I guess I deserved that… 3 years of verbal abuse has finally caught up to me. Rutgers has won a game to eliminate me from my own pool*. I guess I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll be nice. Rutgers is a fine football prog… perfectly acceptable academic insti…. I can’t do it. Congratulations Rutgers, you still suck. You beat almost literally a high school team. Illinois starts something like 13 true freshmen… plus a couple of redshirts.. how does that happen? I really should have paid more attention to this but was blinded by the “Rutgers Sucks” factor. Either Illinois really had no talent (yes) or Lovie Smith is just an arrogant jackass who only wants to play his own players (also probably yes). Dammit Lovie Smith. You coached in the NFL! You lost to Rutgers! You know who can beat Rutgers? EVERYONE! Eastern Michigan beat them. Tim Beckman would have beat them… not the Illinois team Tim Beckman coached a few years ago but literally Tim Beckman. Alone. While carrying the boombox outside a window with his head photoshopped in the scene from Say Anything. (See how I take this farther and farther down the rabbit hole until only one of you knows what the hell I’m talking about? That’s called appreciating your audience. You’d better be reading this PETERS**)
Look, I’ll be honest with you. I haven’t had enough time to really follow football this year… I know, I know, it seems like I’m an all knowing college football analyst (how do I not have a job for ESPN by now? They could pay me like, half, what they paid all those guys they fired) It’s all based on team history and reputation.. and final scores for the week. Between weddings, and fixing a house, and selling a house, and fixing and selling a car (all of which still need to be fixed and/or sold***…) I’ve been lucky to watch one full football game a week. I have no idea if any of the Big Ten Teams actually look good (other than Michigan’s offense. They look like shit). I have less idea about the teams outside the Big Ten.. I assume Alabama is still a professional football team (professional in the sense that they’re like the only D1 school and everyone else is D1.5… oh yeah and also because they get paid). I thought Clemson was a close second until they lost. Same for Oklahoma. This weekend isn’t going to be any better with another wedding on Saturday**** Maybe I’ll get to see John Okorn panic and run all the way from Happy Valley back to Houston.
Here’s the eliminations.
*On the plus side, now I get to focus all of my energy on the picks for the other league! Which means I’ll stare at the chart for hours every week before sending the team I circled 2 months ago…
** God dammit put in Peters…
***Anyone wanna by a Saturn Aura or a house in Royal Oak? I’ll give you a good discount… on next year’s BTE fees!
****Stop scheduling weddings on football Saturdays people…
OH! And to those of you who picked Michigan this week and almost resurrected the sleeping beast that is #TeamChaos… thanks for making that an exciting game.. Jerks. #ReturnofChipShotPeters
