9/1/2021 Season Preview Part 1

Normally this is the same every year… Rutgers sucks, Wisconsin is going to win the west… Ohio State cheats…* But last year was crazy. Some teams only played 4 games. Some teams lost to Rutgers. Some teams only played 5 games but still made the playoffs… Everybody gets a free year of eligibility so some teams have players who should have graduated 4 years ago… Maybe this year’s preview will be different! Let’s find out

Illinois:

I watched the Illinois game in week 0 and kept thinking two things. The First: Poor damn Brandon Peters. Dude’s shoulder must be made of glass because he once again went out injured in the first quarter. On the plus side it was his non-throwing shoulder and it sounds like it wasn’t as serious as initially thought. He may even play this week. Also Rutgers transfer Art Sitkowski looked fine off the bench.

The Second thing: When did Lovie Smith turn into Paul Chryst? Turns out my brain had a hard time differentiating between short haired over-weight white Wisconsin coaches I was very confused until someone said Bret Bielema. Maybe he’s the answer Illinois is looking for. The defense actually looked miles (Ok yards) better than anything Illinois has shown in the last 2 years. This could be an interesting team. I see how you could read these two paragraphs and think “Oh he thinks Illinois could be good”.. no. They could be BETTER but let’s be fair… Dead Brandon Peters and a ex-Rutgers QB? The defense looked ok AGAINST NEBRASKA… Illinois will be bad… Maybe not Rutgers bad like they were under Lovie “the BEARD” Smith… but they’ll be bad.

Minnesota:

Minnesota was supposed to be good last year… They were supposed to compete with Wisconsin for the BT West. Turns out that it was all just to give Michigan fans false hope after a game 1 blowout. Minnesota sucked. Michigan sucked slightly less. Now in a year that PJ Fleck has to start worrying about his job, they start the season against Ohio State. That’s not going to go well for them. There will be no boat rowing this weekend. Fortunately they’ve got some winnable games on their schedule. Maybe they’ll compete for a trip to Indy, but my money is on Wisconsin or Iowa.

Nebraska:

Nebraska is the new Rutgers. Scott Frost was Nebraska’s Jim Harbaugh… A former A-List football program from the 90s struggling to get back to relevance. Scott Frost was Nebraska’s QB when they split (bullshit) a National Championship in 1997. He coached a more or less irrelevant football program (UCF) to the point of deserved playoff discussion. He was their perfect hire in 2018. THIS is what it looks like when your perfect coach is a complete failure. Frost is 9-18 in the Big Ten and his team competes in the West! His offensive line turned Adrian Martinez into Grandpa Simpson and that was against Illinois!! After the game he said TO THE MEDIA that half of their offensive game plan was scrapped because of the way Illinois played defense… ILLINOIS!… FIRST YEAR UNDER A NEW COACHING STAFF ILLI-%&*#-NOIS! Scott Frost should be fired.* We’ll discuss Harbaugh and if he should still be at MI in another post, but let’s be clear: Nebraska is what it looks like when your perfect coach is a complete bust. But hey… at least he hasn’t** been photographed f&%$*ng a dead shark!***

To Be Continued… probably

*But please don’t fire him… it’s hilarious.. Also his mom would be sad.

**As far as we know

***allegedly