You suckers* are back for another season? Look, I can’t keep coming up with new ** content every season… I’m not that creative… And to be honest after the way last season ended, it’s hard to be motivated. Alright fine… Here’s a season preview:
- Michigan is always overrated.
- Notre Dame is always MORE overrated. (I know they’re not Big Ten but I hate them.. and Brady Quinn sucks)
- Michigan State has a top 5 defense but an offense that a) probably sucks and b) isn’t allowed to run any plays until week 12.
- An Ohio State University has a new coach and a QB transfer who hasn’t started and lost 4 O-Line starters… they’ll be fine.
- Wisconsin’s season rests solely on whether or not their coach remembers that the player on his team named Jonathan Taylor is a Running Back and not a child actor from the 90’s television show “Home Improvement” starring Tim Allen.
- Nebraska is now in year 2 of Scott Frost. They started out last season 0-6 but some of turned out to be bad luck/tough schedule… They finished the season 4-8 but weren’t as bad as their record. They should improve and could be good this year… Nebraska’s chances at a trip to Indy depend somewhat significantly on Wisconsin’s coach remembering that the player on his team named Jonathan Taylor is a Running Back and not a child actor from the 90’s television show “Home Improvement” starring Tim Allen.
- Purdue started the season to be the first ever Big Ten team to lose to Eastern Michigan***. Then they went on a run that included crushing An Ohio State University and causing Marcus Ray to declare them the best team in the big ten**** Then they sucked. Do they have an X-Ray machine yet?
- Northwestern still has Pat Fitzgerald.
- Iowa is going to go 9-3 so Kirk Ferentz can keep his job without anyone complaining.
- Minnesota… I don’t remember who this team is because Delaney is a jackass and makes Michigan play Wisconsin 5 years in a row while the brown jug gets out about as often as the world cup.
- Maryland… Have they recruited that girl that shotgunned a beer with her face? No? Then who cares?
- Penn State headed toward “suck” real quick. James Franklin is an idiot and he doesn’t have his genius coaching staff to hide this anymore. He iced his own kicker last year… He can recruit though They may end up with 8 or 9 wins mostly because their schedule is garbage. Their non-conference games are Idaho, Buffalo, and Pitt (I bet they lose either to Buffalo or Pitt).
- Illinois hopefully will be slightly better than “almost as bad as Rutgers”
- Indiana… I miss Chaos team.
- Rutgers is not in the big ten.
Hope you all lose early! See you next post!
*Are there still two of you reading this?
**Stolen
***See 15.
****I mean… “Causing” may be a strong word… Contributed? It’s probably more accurate to say the “Cause” of this was that Marcus Ray is an idiot.