Ahhh. This just feels right. Much like my house slowly returning to its regular non-skunk related scent, the college FBS has shown signs of it regressing towards “everyone is bad at football.” Let’s break it down:
Notre Dame struggled against Ball (hehe) State. That sucks… for them… and by transitive property also for MI (Although ND being terrible at all things still makes me happy and that’s what really matters. Speaking school logos with tiny angry men with stupid facial hair… The Duke Zach Morrises beat the Northwestern Pat Fitzgeralds… So they suck. PJ Fleck isn’t allowed to Row The Boat at Minnesota due to copy write infringement which means they suck (also only beating Fresno State by 7). Ohio State gave up points to Rutgers for the first time in 3 years so obviously they’ve clearly fallen off the wagon. Illinois.. Holy crap they’re 2-0? I mean, yeah they are butt, but they might be the only team that isn’t well below their (admittedly butt) level of expectations. Anybody stay up to watch that 1000 degree game that MSU agreed to play at 11:00pm ET for some reason? They didn’t look good but to be honest I’m just really impressed with Arizona State and Herm Edwards. I mean the guy may not know what his own school’s mascot is but that was some solid clock management strategy at the end of the game! (Wasting the TO on the 25s play clock was not).
I think that’s it… What’s That? Oh right… Purdue is horrible and should be set on fire and murdered by the vengeful spirit of college Drew Brees. To be clear I don’t have anything against “Purdue the academic institution.” As far as I know there an intelligent group of morally upstanding Indianians. But Purdue the Football Team is dumpster fire garbage. To paraphrase* a scene from the web series Red vs Blue. “What is the most revolting animal in your language. (a skunk). Does this ‘skunk’ have an anus? (yes). And does this anus have an anus? (no) … There is no English Equivalent to describe our word for ‘Purdue'” (the football team). This week they knocked out fifteen of us by becoming the first Big Ten Team to lose to Eastern Michigan University. But Doug, Eastern beat Rutgers last year. Who is Rutgers**? This makes two weeks in a row in which they probably would have won the game if it weren’t for an unnecessary roughing the passer call to turn 4th and 15 into 1st and 10 with 2 min left in the game. And I’m not talking about “guy gets to the QB a bit too late after he’s thrown the ball.” I’m talking you sack the QB, the play is over, and then you shove his face into the ground as he tries to get up. Literally every Purdue game I’ve seen in the last two years has included late hits, dumb personal fouls, targeting, breaking a QBs vertebrae after the play is over, and DC Nick Holt too focused on yelling at the refs and trying to look like an angry out of shape Goldberg to keep his players in line/prevent them from blowing yet another game. I used to like Purdue (the football team). Screw Purdue (the football team). I hope you go back to being worse than Illinois. And BUY A DAMN X-RAY MACHINE!
*Totally rip off
**Not a Big Ten Team.